Fandom: Harry Potter
Description: “You know, Lily…”
Moments: Bida ne v tim…
Минає день, минає ніч,
Хвилини котяться, мов хвилі голубі.
His head feels heavy. Sometimes Severus feels like it’s going to explode, and then… everything will be over. He doesn’t know if he wants that. For everything to be over. He knows that if he doesn’t keep himself busy, he will be consumed by thoughts of a certain red-haired girl forever.
Не в тому річ, не в тому річ,
Що я сказав «люблю» лише одній тобі.
They never leave him alone. As soon as he finishes some work and decides to take a break, thoughts of Lily come back to him. They fill his mind. They distort his memories and give him false hope. Severus is tired of wondering what would have happened if he had acted differently back then. Nonsense. Nothing can be changed.
Не в тім печаль, не в тім печаль,
Що цілий всесвіт був тоді в твоїх очах,
Безмежний всесвіт був тоді в твоїх очах,
Але не в тім моя печаль.
He hoped it would end someday. Everything has an end, and so would this torment. It would fade, turn to ashes – and be blown away by the wind.
It didn’t end. It became more complicated, more difficult. He finished school and ended up in hell. Severus had never been so afraid, not even as a child. Back then, he didn`t have monsters under his bed. They were replaced by his drunk father and the fear of never being able to do magic. During his school years, those childhood fears were replaced by the Marauders, who couldn’t live a day without him. Snape was bullied so much that he wanted to tear his enemies apart and destroy them completely. He wanted to erase all memories of them.
Lily, who had seemed like sunshine in childhood, drifted away. And Severus, unfortunately, found new… not friends, acquaintances, perhaps. He saw them as a chance to get even with the Marauders once and for all. This may have blinded him, causing him to speak those poisonous words. And their paths diverged.
Минає день, минає ніч,
Хвилини котяться, мов хвилі голубі.
Не в тому річ, не в тому річ,
Що після зустрічі розлука б’є у дзвін.
He didn’t want to hurt her. Not Lily. Who knew that he would be the cause of her death? Prophecy? Nonsense! Just words! But his master didn’t think so. Severus didn’t care about anything. He didn’t care about humiliation or cruel words as long as she stayed alive. He would have died himself to ensure that nothing bad happened to her.
For some reason, everything turned out the opposite.
His heart broke, he suffocated, and he wanted to die, but death passed him by. Severus screamed, but no one heard him.
Не в тім печаль, не в тім печаль,
Що, наче постріл, пролунало те «прощай»,
Як зради постріл пролунало те «прощай»,
Але не в тім моя печаль.
Her son looked so much like James Potter that Snape’s mind was sometimes clouded with hatred. A copy. It was as if James Potter had returned from the dead. And if it weren’t for his eyes – those green eyes –Severus wouldn’t have believed it was Lily’s child. Severus was often ready to rip the boy’s head off so that he wouldn’t get into trouble. He wanted to scream that it was too soon. You’re her son.
Severus was ready for anything. He would lie, play on emotions, mock, and be an enemy, just so that Lily’s child would stay alive.
It was a cruel irony. With his own words, he had once signed the death sentence for the woman he loved. Now, with his own memories, he had to push her son to his death.
“Look at me…”
You know, Lily…
Біда не в тім, що ти мене не любиш,
Біда, що я тебе не можу розлюбити.
The sorrow is not that you do not love me,
but that my heart cannot stop loving you.